Food For Mind

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different result.”
 - Einstein

Ofcourse you all know this quote. But ever wondered doing things differently means exactly what? How to put to practice what we understand from this quote? “Do One Thing Different” by Bill O’Hanlon is about that. It shows multiple ways to creatively find solutions to life’s persistent problems. Solutions which are uncommonly sensible and hence rare.

I am currently reading this book and enjoying it. Here is the basic introduction to it:

“Think of a problem in your life. Now solve it. That’s not as crazy as it sounds, once to you try the bold and humorous new approach in this book by one of the developers of brief solution-oriented therapy. Simply “changing the viewing” or “changing the doing” of the problems using ten “solution keys” will put you back in control of your emotions and your life - even enabling you to single handedly change your relationships.Using simple, direct and effective steps in Do One Thing Different can quickly move you from “stuck” to “smooth sailing.” This book will also reveal how to use these techniques to strengthen relationships, enhance sexuality, resolve unfinished business, and prevent future problems.The next time you encounter troubles, stop “Analysis Paralysis” and Do One Thing Different. It’s fast. It’s easy. It works.”

More articles on what I learnt from this will follow.

What does it mean to be a woman today? How can women express themselves wholly and completely? Here are 5 ways to live more consciously as a woman:

1. Be Love

* Love self

A woman knows how to be love. She knows that to love others, she has to first love herself unconditionally. This love radiates through her. It makes her beautiful and special. And she knows this - That love makes her so beautiful and not shape, size or color.

* Love all

A woman loves unconditionally. She accepts everyone the way they are and the way they are not. She holds family together and makes way for friends to become a part of family. She builds relationships and mends broken ones.

2. Be Wise

A woman is wise. She is able to see behind the masks we wear. She cuts through our anger, silence, ignorance and happy act. She sees through us, right into our hearts where we hide worries, frustrations, hurt and anger. A woman can play multiple roles. She can be a friend, a guide, a partner, a mother. She can sense which role to play and effortlessly switches to that role.

3. Be Strong

A woman might have leaky eyes but she is strong as rock. In times of need, she is the voice of reason. She maintains her composure, keeps her emotions in check. She takes hold of situation and starts getting things done.

4. Be Success

A woman recognizes and respects unlimited choices she has. She knows she can be whoever she wishes to be personally and professionally. She manages her work as effectively as she manages her home. She dreams high, takes charge of her life, directs her energy toward her dreams and attains them.

5. Be Responsible

A woman knows with choice comes responsibility. She takes responsibility for all her actions and choices. She also takes responsibility for her family, friends and work. She knows how to be independent - take care of herself, manage finances and life. She knows how to be interdependent - involving family and friends.

A woman is a balance of all. She is independent and interdependent. She is soft yet so strong. She is emotional and yet practical. She is selfless and yet so much in love with self.

Dedicated to Mom for being the woman she is. This article is a reflection of her. Inspired by Steve Pavlina’s How to Be a Man.

I am a foodie person by nature. I simply love eating all variety of food. The only type I can’t have is bland food. But consider, I am in a place where only bland food gets served. Not for a day or two, but for months and months. Initially, I don’t have food at all since it’s bland. Then I start having some since I am hungry and it’s necessary (I can’t help it!). And no prizes for guessing that over a period of time, I will be having bland food like normal food. What changed? A food variety which “demotivated” me from eating, a food variety which I would rather go hungry than have, has stopped demotivating me. How did this change happen? How did a person who dislikes eating bland food start eating it regularly?

In my school days, one subject that I really didn’t like was history. It was boring and simply I couldn’t remember stuff. I avoided it all year round with every possible and not possible reasons. But as exams came, I religiously opened my book and read and read and remembered everything. I still didn’t like history. But I studied history anyways. What happens to me the day before history exam? How does this change happen?

There are probably countless examples that I can give from my life where I find myself voluntarily doing activities I don’t like. And I am sure by now you too might have found something in your life which matches with this. But do you know what changes? What is common in all these changes?

I know what you are thinking … the only common thing is that you had no choice. You had to do it. For survival. For clearing exams. You couldn’t afford to think about what you like and whether you are in mood or motivated enough. The stakes were too high. When it is a matter of life and death (literally and figuratively), you don’t really have much choice. You have to do what you have to do.

And you are so right about this. The only question that now I have for you is - Can you re-create this “no choice” feeling/situation for whatever task you wish to do right now. Maybe you are taking up dieting and are finding yourself demotivated. Maybe you want to study further (without exams on head) and are not finding any motivation. Maybe you wish to work on your relationship… whatever you want to do and are here looking for motivation …. Ask yourself this - Can you really afford to leave it to motivation? Do you have the luxury to leave what you want to chance? Is what you want so trivial for you that you are in a way telling yourself - “Let’s see … if I get motivated enough, I will work on this. And hopefully get what I want”.

Fact is, if you want something, then you simply have to go for it and work for it. Like it or not. Are motivated or not. Nothing really matters. Because truth is, you really don’t have a choice. You want something, you have to take actions which lead you to that. We make a mistake of seeing choices when there are none.

You want to slim down, you don’t have a choice whether to exercise or not. You simply HAVE to exercise. You don’t have a choice whether to avoid unhealthy food or eat healthy food. You HAVE to eat healthy food. You are mistaken to think there is a choice in this anywhere. The choice lies in deciding what you want. You can choose whether to be thin or fat. Whether to be fit or unhealthy. But not in whether to work towards what you want.

So ask yourself again - What do you want? How much do you want this? Can you afford to leave what you want to motivation? And … Do you really have a choice??

“Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not passive, receptive, relaxing times - although such experiences can be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

- Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

Sometimes life answers our questions in most unexpected ways. I had been reading about dreams and true purpose in life for a long time. And not knowing that one true calling of life, one purpose behind which I can passionately dedicate my life to had been upsetting. I struggled within to find answers. But found none. There are a lot of things I simply loved to do. And I knew I could happily do for the rest of my life. But, it still seemed something is missing. And I didn’t know what to do. How to find my calling …

My answer came in form of a movie called Quints on Disney. This movie is about a kid named Katie who has very controlling and dominating parents. Her parents do wish good for her but they do not let her make any decisions at all. Then something happens, and her parents get busy with other things. This leaves Katie free for the first time in her life to choose how to spend her time, what courses to take, what classes would she like to attend. But, she doesn’t know what she likes or is good at. She never got a chance to try things out. She is completely lost. What can Katie do?

While my background and situation was totally different from Katie’s. I identified with her feeling of being lost.

Like Katie, so many of us go through this in one way or another. We get busy with routine life and lose touch with ourselves. After a point when we wake up, we realize we don’t know what we like or would like to do anymore. Sometimes, it’s people who are freed from dominating/controlling relationships who have to go through this - Being unsure about everything, not knowing what to do with their time, themselves and their lives in all. Sometimes its parents who are lost - they simply didn’t find time to look after themselves while raising kids. And now, they don’t know what else to do.

Katie got a simple answer to this from her teacher - “If you don’t know what you like to do, find out. Try out everything you can and you will surely find something that will hold your attention and with time become your liking and expertise.”

This solution seems so simple that we probably might reject it when we hear first. But it’s so true - Without exposure to different activities, what is the chance of that one true calling of ours finding it’s way to us! If you don’t know where to begin, try everything that comes your way. Life is anyways all about experiencing new things. And then, you can always pick up those you like and throw away the rest. But by choosing not to experience at all, you won’t know what you are missing out on.

I found my answer in this. I keep doing things I love and keep trying new things. Eventually, I am sure I will find my calling for life. What have I gained so far with this is a huge list of things I simply love to do. And tons of experiences to share and cherish as well. What have I lost? Nothing.

Have you found your calling for life? If yes, what is it? And how did you find it?

Thinking of this moment as the last moment of my life; I close my eyes and see my life pass through in pictures and short clips.

The movie of my life pauses at moments I did not take time to tell loved ones how much I love them and how important they are to me. It pauses at moments I did not spend time with them thinking that life is long; I can always spend time later on. My heart is filled with sorrow for all these moments lost. For I realise that nothing is more important to me than them. For I realise that there is no other place I would like to be than with them.

My movie pauses at all opportunities lost. And I am filled with regret; to let a good opportunity go away for some reason which seems silly now. I repent that I did not do justice to everything that I am. I did not live fully. I did not live to become my best possible.

For some reason, I also remember small dreams which were put into background and long forgotten. These unfulfilled dreams hurt. I wish I had believed in them. I wish I had tried to make them come true.

As the movie ends, I feel - Is this it? Is this all what my life is going to be about? What kind of difference did my living make? What am I leaving behind?

Is this your story? I hope not. What does your movie tell you? And how can you make it better?

Update : Just a clarification - This is NOT my life story either

It’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.

- Anthony Robbins

30 Posts in the month of April’08

28 Faced any fears lately?

28 Quote for the week

21 Quote for the week

14 Learn and Have Fun 

14 Quote for the week -5

11 Better Sorry Than Safe

08 Carnival Of Personal Power, April 6, 2008

07 How do your words make you feel?

07 Quote for the week -4

02 Posts in the month of March 08

To what extent would you go to face and remove fears from your life? I recently watched a television show where the lead actress was agoraphobic. One day, she decides to face her fear and see what happens if she leaves the safety of her house and goes out into the real world. She asks someone she knew to drag her out of the house if need be since she herself will not be able to do it. Maybe this is extreme. And maybe this is possible only in television shows and not for real for agoraphobic people. But it surely got me thinking…

Thinking about till what extent would I go to face my fears. And will I even think of doing so. Moving out of safety zone seems so much of an effort. And scary at times. Will I ever move on and show that much courage to force myself to go beyond the world I know I am safe in.

As I usually do, I closed my eyes to travel back to varied experiences that I have had when I moved beyond my safety net, when I persisted inspite of being afraid and then I travelled to those when I let my fears win. I heard conversations that I have with myself to find out what are my fears. What fears do I have that limit me in some way to be a part of this world, that don’t allow me to participate wholly. And most importantly what do my fears cost me.

This is what I found - the biggest, most exciting and most memorable moments of my life have been those when I went ahead inspite of fears and excelled. It does not matter what aspect of life I pick up - career, people, relationships; wherever I have faced fear and excelled, I have felt alive. Those moments by themselves are so powerful that they have become my source of support and morale boosters through out my life.

For times when I tried inspite of fear and failed, if I have excelled later on, these simply become some trying times I had and most of times, I don’t even remember them.

For times when I tried inspite of fear and failed and gave up, my fear remained. It persisted. Sometimes the fear increased. But hey, no harm done. I haven’t got killed by anything so far

Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right

- Henry Ford